Being Intentional and Investing in the Lives of Others

Being Intentional

FOCUS QUESTION: Are you being intentional and investing in the lives of others?

Today’s post is about our “close” friends/inner circle and being intentional. I put “close” in quotation marks because I’ll be separating the men from the boys in this post…our actual real friends from our pretend-to-be (or wannabe) real friends. I’m going to be upfront, blunt, and honest with you. I’d suggest you proceed with caution because you might just find yourselves reevaluating and rearranging the friendships in your life come the end of this post. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

I’m just gonna dive right in…

We too often give titles to undeserving people, and our inner circles are much too valuable to be taken lightly. There’s a big ol’ difference between someone who is IN your life and someone who is INVOLVED in your life.

Your inner circle should consist of people who are being intentional and INVOLVED in your life, not people who are merely IN your life.

What’s the difference, you ask?

Well, when someone is INVOLVED in your life, they are “connected or concerned with [you], typically on an emotional or personal level.” They genuinely care about your life. The big things, little things, and everything in between. They are INTENTIONAL and deliberate. They purposely make it a point to invest in your life and show you they care.

These are your actual real friends.

When someone is merely IN your life (again, I’m talking specifically about the people in our inner circle), they may TELL you they care but their actions say otherwise. They never ask how you’re doing. Therefore, they only know minor, surface-level details of your life. They only reach out when it’s convenient for them. There is no give-and-take. Only take.

These are your pretend-to-be/wanna be real friends. 

In regards to your inner circle, you should not be the only person putting forth effort. You should not feel like your friendship is an inconvenience. You should not feel the need to withhold information because you don’t think your friend will care. 

Charlotte Gambill once said, “If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal.”

If you ask me, there’s no gray area when it comes to being intentional and a true, good friend. It’s black and white. We just make it seem more difficult when, in reality, it’s actually very, very simple.

If you truly care for someone, you’ll show it, and if you are serious about being in someone’s life, then you’ll take their life seriously. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Your inner circle is special, and it should be reserved for only special people. As you get older, your numbers will start to dwindle. But you know what? That’s A-OK.

Being Intentional“Sometimes, [our] circle decreases in size, but increases in value” (Unknown).

I am so thankful for the people in my inner circle because they spoil me rotten.

They ask how I’m doing and wait patiently to hear the answer. They remember important events in my life, text me beforehand to wish me good luck, and afterwards to see how it went. When something good happens, they celebrate. When something bad happens, they rush to my side.

They never make me feel like an inconvenience, second option, or last resort.

Instead, they make me feel important and make it a point to show they care.

I can only hope I am as good of a friend to them as they are to me.

Make sure the people in your inner circle are pouring into you as much as you’re pouring into them. If they’re not, start rearranging. Don’t mistake pretend-to-be/wanna be real friends for actual real friends.

Remember, just because someone is IN your life does not mean they are INVOLVED in your life. Make sure the people you dub as “close” friends meet the qualifications because not everyone is worthy of that title.

Be intentional. Invest in the lives of those closest to you. Make it a point to show you care.

Like what you read? Please share this post using the social icons below and tell us your thoughts in the comment section! 


  1. Aaron

    Completely agree – I focus on quality not quantity when it comes to friendships. It’s important to ensure there’s give and take and monitor how much effort your putting in versus getting back!

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Yes! This has been a HUGE realization for me. I’ve learned we can only pour out so much without ever being poured into. Friendships, true friendships, consist of both give and take!

  2. Faith

    This was what I needed this morning! As I read through I started sorting the “close” friends in my head without even knowing it. Great read!


    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Thank you so much, Faith! It is definitely an eye-opener! Thanks for reading it! 😊

  3. Amity

    Great read, thanks, Kristin. A much more realistic, tangible and comprehensive explanation of the value of social capital.

  4. Christina

    This was so great to read this morning I stumbled upon it on Pinterest and I am so glad I did. My sis in law were just talking about this because we both have been having to re-evaluate friendships in our respective circles. This was exactly what we were talking about.

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Oh my goodness, I am so glad! 😊 This has, by far, been the biggest lesson I’ve had to learn these past few years. I am a much, much happier person now that I’ve let go and been pickier about who is in my inner circle! IT IS THE BEST FEELING, and that is one of my biggest hopes for people. I want EVERYBODY to experience it!

      If you’re interested, I wrote a post called “Closet Rods, Spring Cleaning, and Letting Go” that ties into this and talks about the importance of letting go of the things that are no longer serving us!

      Friendships are so, so important, especially those in our inner circle!


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