I Don’t Have It All Together (and Why You Don’t Have to Either)

don't have it all together

I’m learning it’s okay if we don’t have it all together.

I ran into a friend of mine yesterday and we had a good talk. He asked me hard questions…questions I haven’t had to answer honestly in a long time. He asked questions like “How is life?” and “How is your walk?” and “Are you being poured into?” Not to pry, but because he genuinely cared. And I could tell. It was obvious.

He patiently waited for me to answer in whatever way I could muster.

He understood.

The truth is, life just plain stinks sometimes and things aren’t always okay. 

I don’t have it all together. I’ve had a rough 4-5 months. I try so hard to encourage and motivate others but I haven’t even been able to encourage and motivate myself. 

To be completely honest, I haven’t felt like myself. I’ve felt alone, guilty, frustrated, discouraged, ashamed, embarrassed, and regretful.

  • Alone because I don’t feel like anyone understands what I’m going through.
  • Guilty for not feeling the way everyone expects me to feel all the time.
  • Frustrated because it seems nothing I do is ever good enough.
  • Discouraged because I don’t really like where God has me right now.
  • Ashamed because I haven’t felt like reading God’s word or going to church, so I haven’t.
  • Embarrassed because I haven’t handled my struggles the way I should.
  • Regretful for not having spoken up sooner.

I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for me (I don’t want or need that). I’m telling you this because it’s the honest truth and I know I’m not the only one. I feel like I have to have it all together all the time but I can’t and I don’t. 

Do you feel that way sometimes? Like you have to have your life together 24/7? That it’s not okay to struggle? And if you are struggling, you just need to try harder and do better?

don't have it all together

When people ask me how things are going blogging/speaking-wise, I feel like I’m supposed to have this awesome update.

I don’t.

Things are the same.

Actually, I take that back.

Things aren’t the same.

They’ve slightly digressed and I feel like I’m walking backwards.


And no, I’m not giving up.

Don’t worry.

I’ve just hit a rough patch.

Because I’m human and I’m broken. 

Life isn’t always good. It’s not always enjoyable either. There are seasons we go through that hurt really bad and there are times when we don’t have it all together.

I’m finally learning IT’S OKAY to be struggling. IT’S OKAY to not be okay. But tell someone. Be honest about what you’re going through. You don’t need to walk through this alone. 

Society (and the enemy) makes us feel like we’re the only ones struggling but we’re not. And we’re not crazy or worthless or weak because we’re having a hard time.

We’re just human.

I’m guilty of holding everything in and pretending everything is okay even though it’s not. I place unrealistic expectations and unnecessary pressure on myself to have it all together, all the time.

I don’t know if it’s pride or insecurity or what, but I’m realizing it’s not healthy. Letting things build up inside us without seeking help from our loved ones can be detrimental. 

Open up about what you’re going through.

Give yourself permission to struggle and feel what you’re feeling.

Life just plain stinks sometimes.

Even Jesus told His disciples upfront, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Life is going to get hard at times. We will, inevitably, face troubling times. We’ll cry and our hearts will ache. But even during our struggles, we can rejoice in the fact that God loves us and intends to use our circumstances to shape us and prepare us for His Kingdom.

Let’s stop being so hard on ourselves and start showing ourself some grace.

It’s OKAY to not be okay.

I don’t have it all together.

You don’t have to either. 



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  1. Tammy Whitehurst

    I love the transparency in this blog. No, not all days are like cinnamon rolls and sunshine. Yes, there are times we question God. Even the disciples did when Jesus slept while the boat was in a treacherous storm.The storm roared and Jesus snored! He was sleeping like a baby through a horrendous storm. They said “Don’t you care about us?” Jesus cared so much He rose up and rebuked the wind and said, “Peace, be still!”
    Jesus wasn’t only speaking to those winds and raging waters. He was speaking to the hearts of His people. Just like he speaks to you and me.
    I have learned God doesnt drop things in the palm of our hand. However, he puts them within our reach. We just have to have the faith to reach for it. Faith always requires big trust, big chances, and a big belief that the impossible is possible with God.
    I have also learned there is nothing wrong with an occasional pity party as long as we don’t RSVP and stay too long. (((BigHug)))
    Thank you for your open heart. For revealing a broken heart, transparent heart, and a heart that never gives up hope in brighter days ahead. When we get real…..real things begin to happen. Get ready! Love you. <3

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Wow, wow! Thank you so much, Tammy! You are exactly right—we need “big trust, big chances, and a big belief that the impossible is possible with God.” That is so true and something I always need to be reminded of. Love you, too! Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ❤

  2. Traci

    Such an honest post!! It helps to know we’re not alone, and community is vital during these times. Blessings to you.

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Thank you so much! Yes, I am learning the importance of community and being honest. It’s vital! Thank you for reading! 😊

  3. Claire Koonce

    I read a quote recently that said, “Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” Things not working out and failure hurts, like bruises do. Hurt doesn’t have to become a tattoo on your life. I believe the open and honest dialogue you started with this post will bring other hurting and imperfect people to Christ! Good for you – I am proud to be your aunt.

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      That is so true—failure isn’t permanent! I love you so much, Aunt Claire! Thank you for reading and commenting and always supporting me in EVERYTHING! ❤

  4. Sue @ Mama of three Boys

    Life just plain stinks sometimes. I must agree with you, and it feels that way sometimes more often than we wish. But we do have a father that knows our name, knows our struggles, He knows our every thought. And I praise God for that:)

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Amen to that, Sue! And yes, sometimes it does happen more often than we wish. But like you said, God loves us and is here for us every step of the way. Thanks for reading and commenting! 😊

  5. Deb

    The truth sets us free! Revealing our goals aka shortcomings is scary but can give us freedom and the opportunity for accountability- and growth!

    I had someone ask me recently how my search for a new church home was going- I was honest that it “wasn’t”, and was encouraged by her – not guilted or shamed. I had told her a while back we needed to find a new one, and she genuinely wanted an update. Inner hope was renewed. It’s definitely easy to procrastinate and make other plans and excuses.

    God is there, waiting patiently for me/us, the lost, scared, apathetic, faithful-hearted believers who find ourselves alone, discouraged, afraid, embarrassed, whatever our barrier may be. Smile!

    Be bold, unafraid, courageous, encouraged, confident, for you are loved! But also, be deliberate and purposeful, meaningful, actionable, accountable.

    Know thyself:
    I am in charge of how I feel- it is my choice. Not dicted by others expectations – although my conscience mirrors what is generally expected, and guilts me.
    I can choose to continue as is or make a change.
    I do better making a plan (sometimes written) and sharing it with someone trusted to “remind or check in with me”
    I tend to rebel in heart when “Certain loved ones” lecture or try to hold me accountable. Even if they are right. My guilt speaks to me! My heart knows…
    It is also easier to encourage others than nourish and encourage my own self.

    So, for me it’s time to get on with it- and go visit a new church. And apply this to some other challenges…I certainly don’t have it all together either.

    Feel free to ask me some time how the search is going-

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      SO MUCH TRUTH TO THIS. I appreciate your honesty as well—always encouraging knowing we are not alone and that others are struggling right there with us! Thank you for sharing this with us. And thank you for reading! 😊

  6. Yolanda

    I don’t have it together that’s why I always look to God otherwise I’d be a chaotic mess! Thanks for sharing and helping others to go through times when they’re not feeling all together either. God Bless!

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      I feel like I am a chaotic mess 100% of the time, hahaha! Thankful for God’s grace and mercy ALWAYS. Thank you so much for reading! 😊

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  8. Audrey

    Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I often feel like I need to have things together and it leads into my biggest struggles. Thanks so much for the positive reminder.

  9. Kristen

    I want to just quote this whole post, it’s all so relatable!!! There’s so many important messages here, thank you for sharing!

  10. Esther Hosea

    Love your vulnerability and honesty! You’re right, life is really tough sometimes. It just is. Pretending we have it all together doesn’t help us and, it doesn’t help others! I believe God wants to use and redeem our pain and our struggles. This is a great way to allow Him to do that! Thanks Kristin!

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      Thank you so much, Esther! I love what you said about how it doesn’t help others either—I’ve been reminded of the importance of sharing my story to help others tell theirs. It’s been a learning experience for sure!

  11. Rosanna@ExtraordinaryEverydayMom

    I don’t have it together, either. I’ve had a tough few months as well. Sometimes I’m not even sure why because I can’t quite put a finger on it. One thing I know, though, that God is good all the time.I also know it’s important to stay in fellowship with other believers even when times are tough. Blessings to you!

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      You are exactly right. No matter what we’re facing, God is still good (even when our circumstances are not). Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  12. Chaunte'

    Thank you again for this post as well. It’s very comforting knowing that i’m not alone. I have so much I would like to accomplish, but it seems that marriage and kids (the lack there of) really dominate my thoughts on a lot of days. However, God has been so good to me and I’m learning to just trust.Blessing to you and all that you are doing! 🙂

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      I completely understand. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what we don’t have. Thanks for sharing and reading! 🙂

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  14. Misty Moon

    My sister in Christ, love this post. You are not alone. We all traverse this season off and on and those that say they don’t, I wouldn’t hesitate to call them out on it. I have found, as I grow in my relationship with Christ, on those days that I don’t feel like talking to Him or going to church or reading my Bible, I force myself. I’ve realized it’s like exercise, on those days when you REALLY don’t want to but force yourself to do it anyways are usually the best workouts and you are glad after the fact. I’ve trained my mind to know that when the flesh feels like, “pfffft!” then I do exactly the opposite. Still not easy, still not able to do it without an attitude most times but He never fails. I’ve recently posted various scriptures around the house and when I feel that “yuck” coming on, I read them out loud and it has done amazing things. Keep up the great writing!

    1. Kristin Koonce Post author

      I love that and it is such a good reminder and think I may put up scripture throughout the house as well. I’ve put some in my car and that has already helped a LOT! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! ❤️ I’m thankful to know I’m not alone!

  15. AllisonWixted.com

    Hi Kristin! Visiting today from CWBU. Thanks so much for opening up about your struggles. I’ve felt the same lately. Comforting to know I have a fellow traveler on the Road of Hard Times who’s also trying to keep up the facsade that all is well. Yes to sharing, acknowledging and embracing our humanity so that we might become closer to one another and God!


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