I Didn’t Know I Was Sinning
I grew up in church where we learned the Ten Commandments in my 5th grade Sunday School class that went something like this—
One Bun—only worship One God
Two Shoe—don’t worship false idols
Three Tree—no swearing
Four Door—honor the Sabbath day & keep it holy
Five Hive—honor your mother & father
Six Sticks—don’t kill
Seven Heaven—don’t commit adultery
Eight Gate—don’t steal
Nine Line—don’t lie
Ten Hen—don’t covet
Reading that, it was safe to say I had the dos and don’ts of Christianity under control when it came to the Ten Commandments (for the most part). I mean, according to society’s standards, I was considered a “good” Christian. I wasn’t committing adultery, lying, or stealing. We went to church (nearly) every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday night.
I knew I was a sinner because the Bible said I was…in Romans 3:23 to be exact, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” However, my definition of sin at the time revolved around tangible, outward actions that were blatantly obvious to both myself and those around me. As a result, I didn’t actually know how I was sinning against God. I just knew I was! There always seemed to be something missing, though!
Even as a young child, I felt as if there was more to the sin in my life than what others could see. I remember wanting to ask for clarification but I was too ashamed to admit I was a Christian who didn’t know how she was sinning.
So, I kept my secret to myself and silently struggled WELL into adulthood!
It wasn’t until I attended Larry Crabb’s School of Spiritual Direction that I learned about relational sin and relational holiness and gained a better understanding of my own sin and how I was falling short. Larry put it like this—
“Relational sin is moving towards others with my best interest in mind at no cost to me and relational holiness is moving towards others with their best interest in mind at any cost to myself.”
In short, sin is our inability and our failure to love like Jesus who ALWAYS moved towards others with their best interest in mind at any cost to Himself. Jesus walked in love and was “radically other-centered” as Larry described it. As followers of Jesus, WE ARE CALLED TO BE LIKE HIM!
I remember Larry drawing a target on the white board. He wrote “love like Jesus” off to the right side and then proceeded to draw an arrow pointing to the very center of that target. Loving others like Jesus is the goal, and anytime we fail to do that we’re missing the mark.
“In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 2:5
“I give you a new commandment. Love each other just as much as I have loved you. For when you demonstrate the same love I have for you by loving one another everybody will know that you’re my true followers.” –John 13:34-35
Being and loving like Jesus is more than not cheating on our spouse, not stealing, not cussing, and never missing church! To put things into perspective, anytime we’re impatient, sarcastic, judgmental, neglectful, self-protective, unforgiving, angry, selfish, narcissistic, short-tempered, hateful, jealous, critical, prideful, greedy, manipulative, demanding, disobedient, unkind—the list goes on—we are missing the mark and not loving like Jesus. We are sinning. We are failing to relate to others the way Jesus relates.
This profound knowledge shed light on just how little I look like Jesus and it helped me put a NAME to my sin. I am more aware now than ever before of the fact I am in desperate need of a Savior who will continue tending to the places in my heart that don’t reflect the love of Christ!
When I snap at my husband, speak thoughtless and unkind words to another person (whether a stranger, friend, or family member), refuse to forgive, or demand from others what I can only get from God, I am not putting the love of Christ on display. I’m choosing my own selfish comfort (what feels good in the present moment) and I AM SINNING. I am missing the mark and not loving like Jesus!
Sin is sin, and we have a daily need for repentance.
I’m learning there is more to life as a believer than the dos and don’ts of Christianity. Sinning against God goes much deeper than what we see on the surface! It has to do with our hearts and how we relate to and treat others, and it requires ongoing forgiveness because we’re never going to get it just right on this side of heaven.
Personally, I don’t want to coast through life thinking I’ve got it made because I go to church weekly (I don’t) or don’t break the Ten Commandments (I do).
Instead, I want to admit that Jesus has asked me three times “Kristin, do you love me?” and all three times I’ve said yes only to turn around and not love my neighbor.
With more knowledge of our sin comes more grief, but with that also freedom. Grief, because we are more aware of how little we look and love like Jesus. Freedom, because we can continue on in confidence knowing God loves us and He is committed to shaping us into the likeness of Christ and, as Larry always said, “He’s not letting up!”
Following Jesus is about being transformed from the inside out and welcoming the work God longs to do in our hearts to make us look more like His Son. It is recognizing our sin—our inability to love like Jesus—and asking God to forgive us of that sin and help us to be more like Jesus. EVERY INTERACTION we have with another human being is an opportunity to love like Jesus and “move towards [that person] with their best interest in mind at any cost to ourselves.”
It ABSOLUTELY comes at a high cost, but there is BEAUTY in finding out what pleases the Lord and then doing it!
Questions to Ponder
How do I view sin?
In what ways do I not think and act like Christ?
In what ways do I move towards others with my own best interest in mind at any cost to the other person?
What sin do I need to repent of?
Do I believe God is committed to my soul’s well-being?
What would it look like for me to be transformed from the inside out?