A Few Thoughts on Setting Healthy Boundaries and Protecting Who We Are Becoming

The biggest takeaway I have from this year is the importance of setting healthy boundaries and making time for what matters most. When I reflect on what I’ve done that makes me proud this past year (aside from becoming more flexible!), it’s the line I’ve drawn in the sand to protect the type of person I want to become. I thought I’d share a little bit about my experience in hopes of encouraging you! Let’s break the mold!

There’s a huge misconception when it comes to busyness and keeping up with the Joneses—society idolizes both as if they are worthy titles to behold. What are we trying to prove?

Although I do believe we are called to work (and to bring honor to the Lord as we do so), I don’t believe work is all there is or that work is everything. I wonder often what it looks like to work for a living without letting work get the best of me.

To put things into perspective, last year was my best year in real estate to date. I was #3 out of 50 agents…but at what cost?

I would wake up extra grumpy on Saturday mornings because, rather than getting to enjoy my coffee on the front porch or go for a stroll, I would have to go show houses. Depending on how the showing(s) went, I would then come home and spend a few more hours getting an offer drawn up, sent for signatures, and submitted to the listing agent before I could actually enjoy my weekend.

Daniel would often have to ride with me to showings on the weekends just so we could spend time together! I literally hate admitting that, but it’s the truth.

In addition to having to work a LOT of weekends, my work nights would get really full, too. If you know me, you know I’m an early bird. I wake up at 4:00am (early bird gets the worm!) and I get the majority of my office work done before most people wake up. It’s not uncommon for me to get to the office a solid 2 hours before anybody else gets there. Thus, consistently having to show property after my clients got off from their 9-5 took a toll on me. I endured far too many 17-hour workdays!

I had no assistant to delegate tasks to at the time, so I was working nonstop without ever getting a break. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted (having said yes to just about every opportunity that came my way). I didn’t mean for life to unfold this way, but it did. I’m not proud of the schedule I kept.

About halfway through the year, by the sheer grace of God, I finally realized my schedule wasn’t sustainable (yes, it took an entire 6 months for that to register) and I needed to do something different. I remember getting to a point where I found myself asking, “Can I see myself doing this in 30 years? Do I want to be doing this for the next 5 years or even just 1 more year?”

At that pace, the answer to both questions was a resounding no.

I really do love real estate! It is life-giving to me, challenging, flexible, and a daily opportunity to bring my gifts, talents, and passions together into one place for the benefit of others. While I didn’t necessarily feel God calling me to be a real estate agent in 2019, everything that was unfolding at the time sure did seem to line up and come easily. Real estate is super fitting to the way God made me and it’s been a very sweet addition to my life. I love that I have complete freedom to do business the way I believe I’m called to and was created to! It’s relational and intentional—all about people. I’m grateful and glad God introduced us (me and real estate, that is).

I didn’t have any healthy boundaries in place, though, and I could no longer envision myself doing what I really do love doing long-term! The days were long, and sometimes dark. Deep down, I hated who I was becoming. I was running on empty, consistently exhausted! I remember breaking down in tears one day at the office. My broker, Suzanne, came over to my desk and just held me. She understood.

I was a prisoner to my job, and it was time for a jailbreak.

Real estate is my ministry, and I am thankful beyond words for my clients, but work is, by no means, more important than my husband, my family, spending time with Jesus, and creating the space needed to be filled back up. While I wasn’t chasing the dollar, I had become entrapped in a way of life that was keeping me from being the woman God created me to be. I wanted, no…I NEEDED to change the narrative because NOBODY BENEFITS WHEN WE OVERWORK OURSELVES!

A busy schedule does not equal a full life! How we choose to spend our time matters! We weren’t created to be involved in every organization, and we aren’t built to take on every client or to work every minute of every day.

When we consistently overextend and overcommit ourselves (even if we are saying yes to good things), the people around us get whatever is left over.

If I wanted to continue becoming the woman God created me to be, I needed to set healthy boundaries in all areas of my life and be more protective and intentional with my yeses.

I needed to fit work around my life, not life around my work…even if it meant disappointing folks.

I was determined to figure out a way to create a life I truly loved, a work-life balance that was sustainable for the next 30 years even as my business continues to grow.

Being a top producer in real estate, money, status…these things don’t impact souls and they’re not the definition of success. We can’t take any of it with us to Heaven! While we obviously need money to pay bills, money doesn’t buy happiness.

Daniel and I live well below our means, and I was absolutely willing to make less money if it meant I got my life back.

I made a list of what fills my cup and what drains it, how many clients I was willing to take on at once, the aspects of my job I enjoy most, the aspects of my job I hate and/or could do without, the aspects of my job I could delegate to an assistant, what I wanted/needed my workweek to look like in order to still be fully present, what I needed to get off my plate (i.e. volunteer positions and projects), and the healthy boundaries that needed to be put into place.

Then, I acted accordingly by removing anything that wasn’t serving the bigger picture, my long-term business goals, or the type of person I wanted to be.

It was addition by subtraction, and I’ve never been happier or felt more fulfilled!

When I compare last year to this year, it’s night and day. I can honestly say that by prioritizing the relationships closest to me—my relationship with God, myself, my husband, and my family—and allowing my own cup to be filled up first, I have been able to then go and pour into my clients in ways I haven’t been able to in the past.

I feel like a completely different person, too! I feel like…me!

By being more intentional with my yeses and setting healthy boundaries, I have gotten to experience life to its fullest again. I’m getting to really lean in to what God has for me and open myself up to whatever He may bring each day! I get to serve my clients in an even greater capacity because I’m not stretching myself too thin or taking on more than I should.

Obviously, I still have to do things I don’t always feel like doing and there are times when I have to make an exception, but I can (now!) step into those opportunities boldly and fully because I already prioritized what was most important and nothing was being put on the back burner. As a direct result, I am able to show up as the woman God created me to be in those moments and even find joy in them!

There is a deep sense of gratitude and confidence I feel. My heart beats a bit differently! The changes weren’t all easy, and I’ve definitely had to disappointment folks, but setting healthy boundaries and being more intentional with my yeses has, no doubt, led me to better, more fulfilling yeses!

Quite frankly, I don’t care what anybody else thinks of my 2.5-day office schedule or weekly routine. I don’t care if I am judged for sitting on my front porch (with two kitties and a Gwennie in tow!) at 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I’ve been up since 4:00am! If I get all of my office work done for the day and have checked off everything on my to-do list, you can find me on my swing or spray painting a vintage candy machine that I’m turning into a bird feeder!

The new me prioritizes creating space for what breathes life back into my soul…and I’m not sorry about it! I’m done being busy. I am done overworking myself. I’m done saying yes just because somebody asks me to do something or because I’m good at whatever it is I’m being asked to do. Folks can take it or leave it!

Again, there are obviously exceptions to this at times, but I’m no longer willy-nilly with my yeses.

I now fiercely protect my time and what matters most, and saying no has only furthered my ability to pour into the yeses that matter most. If it’s going to cost me sleep, my exercise routine, time doing what brings me joy/refills my cup, or my sanity/peace of mind, 9 times out of 10, you’re not going to find it on my calendar.

I am now dedicated to prioritizing what I know God consistently uses to draw me into a deeper relationship with Him, and I promise you that’s not a full calendar or an overflowing bank account or a top producer award.

Life is not all about money and it’s not about saying yes to every single opportunity that comes our way. There’s a growing need for us to start setting healthy boundaries and protecting the men and women we are becoming! We need to normalize saying no so we can get to the better yeses.

Life is too short to miss out on what’s most important. Work is not everything! It’s just a means to an end. We weren’t created to keep up with the Joneses.

We need to consistently reevaluate and ask ourselves, “What matters most to me? Where do I find joy? What allows me to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ or my relationship with others, or both? What aspects of my world enable me to be the best version of myself? What boundaries do I need to put in place to protect the person I am becoming, the type of person I most long to be?”

Obviously, this looks different for everyone! There’s no right or wrong way to set healthy boundaries. What works for me may not work for you and vise versa, and that’s okay.

My hope is that you will take the time to figure out what works best for you and then act accordingly without worrying what other people will say or think about you.

Busyness and constantly being “on the grind” is costly in ways we can never get back. Again, money doesn’t buy happiness. If we care more about making money or being #1 or maintaining a lifestyle (we can never truly keep up with!) than we do about impacting the hearts of those around us, we’ve got a bigger problem.

If our days are numbered, shouldn’t we be spending as much time as we can where it really matters?

We get to choose how we spend our time…so, what’ll it be?